Missy Jubilee. 060. You Dirty Little Slut FULL SCRIPT

Missy Jubilee. 060. Slut 2. You Dirty Little Slut LOWRES

Watch Film

This is a film about one woman under the gaze of men
Meanwhile, in Hollywood
Continued from episode 58

Metaphorically speaking
As a teenage girl, I was curious and I was helpless within that curiosity

Part 1: The ground zero of slut zero
I open my eyes
And see myself and an equally imperfect woman
Sitting on a crowded beach
My eyes stay wide as an image is burned into them
Whenever I close my eyes I am sure to be happy
It is 1994, I am 14

The beach was pristine, populated by fully clothed stout hearted souls
When I first saw her nakedly lying there
She was a study in forbidden sensuality for a suggestive time in my life
A time when I was
A sexually repressed shame-filled teenage emotional halfing
With all kinds of psychological damage back there
Around the issue of unhealthy sexual self image
Looking through my anonymous sexual looking glass, I had questions
As I watched her put men under the influence of her skin

Part 2: Judgement Day
Was she the slut my mother warned me not to become?
Was she a bad motherfucker, or just bad?
Was she a failed suburban Goddess with self-shaming issues?
Was she a human body owner honouring it for form over function?
Was she a temptress seeking sex to console her corrupt soul?
In that case, why did she have come fuck me eyes that said fuck off?
Did her internal walls have graffiti sprayed on them saying ‘RAPE ME’?
In what twister galaxy of thought processes was this a good idea?
All my questions would be answered by the men with the look in their eyes

Two hours earlier,
The men with the look in their eyes
Left home for a day at the beach

Part 3: Have a nice day boys
I heard a man behind me say ‘LOOK AT THAT DIRTY SLUT’
Judgement curved out of his harsh words & disapproving tone
But as I turned towards him, the look in his eye said something else
It said his devil should go to hell for what his dirty mind was talking

This was my first awareness of the sometimes blind,
Sometimes misaligned masculine space around the concept of slut
A black hole of sexual focus started to form around this girl
And stuff, men mainly, got sucked into it’s vagina-like vortex
This was no fraught-filled fanny whispering her life into existence
Like Me
She had no issues around sex & sensibility or silly sexual prisons
She was comfortable releasing masculinities aggressive inner beast
The little dirty pretty thing enjoyed the shame and judgement
I was afraid of what I saw
An answer to my own perceived powerlessness
The beautification & pussification of sexually aberrant shame
She showed me a world
Where men see you for exactly who you want to be
A dirty little slut
Hallelujah

From the age of 16,
WIth a set of rules
That I was given on this day
And some I adopted
I tightened my lips
And closed one eye
As my moral compass spun widely

My teenage sexual wanderlust
was now pointed
Due South

Over time
Emotional pain & sexual shame
Became pleasure

From these learnings
I would develop yearnings
Not shrewd & Not slight

They would form the X and Y axis
Of what I would call
The sexual arousal
Of my worst instincts

Seeking the attention
My father never gave me

I didn’t understand
How this would affect
My adult choices in later life

It didn’t help

Slut zero has a special place in my memory for what she taught me
The danger of knowledge that is received, but imparted without wisdom
Over the next 10 years, I would subconsciously re-write my sexual triggers

With a toxic self-brewed formula of
Naivety, vulnerability, obsession, perversion, punishment
Revenge, submission, domination, shame, danger & self hate

The project will go on to document the resulting diversionary sexual soup
It would ferment in my mind, and then first expose itself 2 years later
The first of these event was episode 16
1st ORGASM

Slut zero would have me asking questions of myself
And I would answer in unexpected, strange & dangerous ways
She was pretty fly for she-jedi
But she didn’t give me some good advice
You are only as perverted as your most secret secret

Up until this day
I had never thought about
My relationship with the masculine

In time I would develop one

SEX

While conducting experiments
In seaside drone boning.
I would go on to form self-shaming skinships
And every next day would guarantee
I was different

Worse

My capacity to celebrate both as equals would confound me over time

By the age of 17, I thought the perception & reality were self-evident
But the truth was something much more sexually psychopathic

http://www.missyjubilee.com

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Categories: Sex

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