Missy Jubilee. 056. Bad Mthrfckr

Missy Jubilee. 056. Bad Mthrfckr

Watch film

The writing behind the film

Pulling on a cigarette
Dragging the covers back
Swinging feet to the cold floor

2007

Is there anything more
But to wait

Ask a lot of questions
The voice says
Ask them again and again
Over and over
Until the answers
Make sense

Until this makes sense

Having to live in the moment before the bellringer pulls the rope

This is the business of living broken by bells, ritualistically

The consequence of repetition
Makes the mental white noise disappear

If I asked ‘why’
What would my answer be?

Can I answer my own questions?
Maybe
If I am willing to listen
And give up everything
That I thought held me together
Until I fell apart

My head glue got hard
Eventually began to crack

Under pressure of time
My thoughts became dark

A Bad Mthrfckr was born
Or made
Whichever suits your philosophical disposition

The cause is not germane to the story
The number is
And that number is 34

It proves everything
And nothing

It is the societal mathematification of a moment
In my life

The short distance between
The numbers 34 and 40
Is the reason why I have one recurring nightmare

The consequence
&
The price of not listening to unacknowledged thoughts

Maybe all this will make the badness leave my body
But I don’t want it purged

I can feel. Pain. At last

What do I write when I am hiding
How to defeat the fear
When the mind is sick?

Flying
Violent
Despair
Me in my own world
Populated by objects
Called strangers

Things I don’t want to know

Trouble with writing the truth is
Sometimes it’s like walking a plank
Monkey faced
Feet first
Into a cage

If it ‘s only imaginary
Why is it so real?

Real

Like I got a left and a right foot
Real like that

How does it feel
To treat me like you do
When you laid your mind upon me
And told me who I wasn’t

You know who

You

I laugh at my ridiculousness

Ha

Ha

Ha

I had the last laugh, but I wasn’t that funny

Because I was a Bad Mthrfckr

And Bad Mthrfckrs aren’t funny

Unless they are being ironic

Like Samuel L. Jackson

 

http://www.missyjubilee.com

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