Missy Jubilee. 053. Voyeur FULL SCRIPT

The true life journey
into mind of a female sexual deviant

The film is a re-constructions of an event that happened in 1994
I was 14 years old, it involves my father
And it happened every night for 12 month
Between the hours of 4pm & 7pm

The film is not about child abuse
It is about something much more disturbing

It’s about how wonderful he was a role model for me

A long series of short experimental films about my sexuality

And it’s effect on the people around me

From the age of 8 until I was 16
My parents left me at home alone from 4pm until 8pm
They were busy avoiding each other
That left me a lot of tiome with my thoughts
In my case, possibly not the best idea
The internalised child began to spiral inward
But no one knew
Because I did everything expected of me
There was no outward sign of what was happening inside
Each afternoon I would get my notepad
I would write about what happened the night before
And what I would write about was my father having an affair

At 4pm every afternoon, he would walk the dog
He would return four hours later
When I turned 14, I started following him
Every night
He would walk down the street about a kilometre
Turn right, then walk another 100 metres
Then turn left into a double storey house next to the river
He would go inside, the lights downstairs would go out
I would see two people walk up the stairs and into the bedroom
And she would get undressed
Every night, my father and I watched her get undressed
He was in the room, I was in the park accross the street
I sat in the front row of their own show
Night after night ideas for 12 months
playing around with ideas for subtitles
For the disturbing film I was watching
What was the subject?
His abandonment
And my anger at his need to be loved, or liked, or noticed
I would watch their silhouettes having sex through the window
It was same every night, nothing ever changed
Except me
I wonder what I was looking for night after night
We all look to fill a hole I suppose
I learned how to strip my identity and become a tool
A censor baiting collection of doll parts
So as to create my distance from the harsh facts
I gave myself a sentence
Guilt. For being a pervert looking through windows
In reality
I found him devoted to his version of what human love to do
He spent time
Which isn’t a replenishable asset
Being with someone he loved

Maybe I got angry because he forgot about me
being with someone he loved
Every night my parents argued after he got home
I would always get home 15 minutes before him
To wash the night’s events off me
While they argued
Conceptuallu, children learn to like what their parents like
Even if it makes the child sad
To see them devote the love they need so badly
To some other ‘thing’
Then the solution to being loved seems simple doesn’t it
Be that other ‘thing’
Metaphorically, over time, I became her
Right down to the poses
And the blinds
Question. Who are you?
A proces
Is that bad?
Sometimes

Everynight I went to bed, the rage increased
The gradient into psychosis isn’t enough to be obvious
But It’s here
In a delusional state that spanned the final mouth of spying
I actively & knowingly planned to kill them
As the only way of stopping the pain
I planned to burn the house down with them in it
The night before I planned to do it
A voice in my head said ‘This won’t turn out well for anyone’
‘You need to be doing the opposite of what you’re planning’
So I did
I went for a long peaceful walk along the beach instead

Being faithfully unfaithful kept my father falsely true
And so it would be for me

Now and then
Adult life hypocrises parodied as
Teenage sexualised fantasies of revenge
Make sense

That time is now

Who are you Missy Jubilee.

www.missyjubilee.com

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Categories: Sex

One Comment on “Missy Jubilee. 053. Voyeur FULL SCRIPT”

  1. dirk_gently
    September 6, 2015 at 9:22 pm #

    I love the statement ‘being faithfully unfaithful kept my father falsely untrue’.

    Oh and the question of who are you…

    You have answered that many times. You are not Missy Jubilee. but Missy Jubilee is you.

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