Guilty As Fuck

 

Missy Jubilee. Guilty. As Charged. Soundtrack

What Was Monster About? It’s About Me Going To Jail

I Was The Bear In The Forest. The Bears Were Prisoners

The Crazy Forest Is Either

Jail, Or Psychiatric Detention

Either Or

It’s Going To Be One

Or The Other

In 30 Days

There Is No Lonelier Place

Than This Place Right Here

Where I Kill Every Day

And My Blood Has Turned

Gray

Because There Is No Soft

Word Play

Just Accusations

With Hard Edges

I Am On Bail On

Serious Assault Charges

Namely,

Assault Occasioning Actual Bodily Harm

The More Serious Charge Up From That Is

Manslaughter

I Am One Charge Away From

Having Killed Someone

2 Weeks Ago

An Hour Before A Funeral

I Lost My Temper In A Situation

I Was Trying To Get Away From.

I Flung A Chair

It Hit Someone In The Face

They Have Lost Their Teeth

I Think This Is Rock Bottom

Home

Made Of Broken Teeth

And Accusations

But Maybe

Rock Bottom

Isn’t A Home

Just A Place

And Moment In Time

It Was An Accident

But I Did

And I Take Full Responsibility For It

I Did Not Mean To Do It

But I Did It

I Am Sorry

And I Am Devastated

I Am Beyond Devastated

I Am Lost

And It Is My Fault

My Shit Is Not Together

In Any Way Shape Or Form At The Moment

I Am Spiralling

Every Time I Come Up

It’s Still There. It Won’t Go Away

Then I Go Down Again

Further

There Is No Deep End

In This Pool

It’s Just A Black

Hole

There Is A Part Of Me

That Is Really Trying To Hurt Myself At The Moment

My Teeth Feel Like They Are Filled With Acid

Dipping Into Words Like

Get Away You Monster

Forever

There Is Something In Me

That Strikes Out When

I Am Pursued

Or Cornered

Or Screamed At

I Explode, Trying To Get Away

In Escaping From What

Won’t Stop Tormenting Me

I Can, And Have, Caused Traumatic Damage

I Make No Excuses

It Is What Is

Or Was

If You Keep Tapping A Bomb

With A Rock

It Will Probably Explode
After That

And No-One Will Ever Think

About The Rock

And Why It Kept Tapping Out

Its Strategy.

The Bomb Is The Only Story In Town

With Conscience

Being The Only Air Left To Breathe

I Need To Stop The Current Trajectory

Of My Life

At All Costs

I Need To Change Every

Constituent Part

Of That Life

I Have Given A Whole Pot Of People

Exactly What They Want

And I Need To Allow Them To Rejoice

Without Me Dulling

Their Celebrations

They Were Right

I Am Wrong

The Weight Of Evidence

Proves The Situation

And The Situation Is The Cost

Of My Actions

And It Will Cost All

Every Single Thing

I Am In A Binary Situation

With No Good Choices Besides Lawyers, Money & No Fun

Co-Incidently And Concurrently

I Have 2 Options

Plead Guilty – Look At Serving 6-18 Months

Plead Not Guilty And Destroy Someone Else

Lifting A Lid On Their Hornets Nest

That They Refuse To Open

These Are Not Good Options

Because I Know

A Big Part Of My Life Is

Finished Right Now
I Don’t Need To Plead

Guilty Or Not Guilty

To Know That

Because

I Am Told I Am Guilty

By A Million Different Voices

Every Day

That Is My New

Unfinished Symphony In The Key Of

Alienation

I Know What My Decision Is

I’ve Known All Along

I Always Preferred The Cut Of Staunch

To Weasel

When You’re Staunch, You Do What’s Right

I Know What I Did. And What I Didn’t

But What I Did Wasn’t Right

I’m Going To Take It On The Chin

And Accept What Is Coming Down The Pike

It Is Very Bukowski.

But A Little Bit Too Much So

My Feet Can’t Even Touch The Ground

Because

I Am Going

To Stand Up In Court

And Construct

This Hard Place

Between A Bunch Of

Rocks

Representing Intentions

I Did Not Have

So I Can

Hang It

Around My Neck Til

I Decay

And Everyone Can Walk By

And Utter A Little Sigh

And Say,

See, We Knew Along

One Day

She Would Prove Us Right

And She Did

So Yay

Yay. A Prologue Of Scale & Planning

I Went

From Thinking About

Mexican Film

Sets

With The Potential

For Story Scale

To

Being On Bail

And Considering Whether

They Have Premiere Pro

In Jail

I Wanted Story

Scale

Just Not This

Force 10 Coffin

Nail

Inhale

Exhale

It’s Just Jail

You’ll Prevail

Over

This Toothed Whale

Remember Moby Dick?

Maybe Don’t

Unless You Can Read

Braille

Because

They All Get Derailed

But Maybe Yours

Can Be A Heroic

Tale

With Epic

Scale

Told Through

The

Prison Mail

Looking Back On Your Own

Judicial

Flaming Condensation Trail

As Your Ultimate

Fucked Up

Holy Grail

Or Maybe It’s Not

Maybe It’s Just Something Else

And I Have No Fucking Idea About Anything

Actaully It’s Probably That Because

I’m Guilty As Fuck

It’s All Authentic

Because It Authenticates

Its Self

Categories: Sex

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