Requiem 31.1 Full script. Click here to watch film
Transcription with thanks by Bernie Glynn
“Everything in the world is about sex
Sex is about power” – Oscar Wilde
Make art. Make love. Make do
Excuse the mess in my mind. I’m renovating some memories
Now I’ve got to figure out if I can continue
But you’re empty.
No one would die for you.”
Antoine de Saint Exupéry – The Little Prince,
Episode 31 of 250
The Axis of Sexual Angst
Max: Where are we at 31 films in? Bigger picture
Missy: To answer that I would have to go back a step
Max: Okay. But make it concise. It’s a short song
Missy: I have been hamstrung all my life
By three weapons of mass discombobulation
Shame. Fear & self-loathing
Max: Nice geo-political tie-in
Missy: Thank you. But stop interrupting.
Anyways. The first 30 films were exposition
To tell you a little about myself. To tell you what’s my thing
My history. Parents. Head problems. Addictions. Issues
It was background so you could understand the next part of the projekt
Who did what to whom. When. How. With what
I feel I have dealt with the shame by completing 30 films
Next comes dealing with the intense fear
Max: Fear of what?
Missy: Fear of failing. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the fear.
The emotional exhaustion driving me back into depression
That’s what I thought it was about. But it’s not
Max: How so?
Missy: it’s about the fear of who I am without shame
I could be a ghost. I don’t want to exist as a ghost
I have learnt this shit over 28 years. I might unlearn it in 250 films
But what fills the vacuum in between? I’m fear that. A lot
It’s never good stuff that fills a vacuum. Look at Iraq
Every film is sucking a little bit of bad stuff out of my soul
But it’s also the only me I know
It feels like I’m dying
Very very slowly
Max: Be all in or get all out. There is no half way
Missy: What do you mean there is no halfway. Do you live in a vacuum?
Max: no. I live with you. In a house
Missy: It was a rhetorical question
Max: I know
“Peace is always beautiful.” Walt Whitman
Techno Viking & Happy Happy Joy Joy
The greatest poet of the 20th century and my greatest literary influence, Charles Bukowski, reading his poem ‘bluebird’ in 1978
“There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going to let anybody see you.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he’s in there.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay down, do you want to mess me up?
You want to screw up the works?
You want to blow my book sales in Europe?
There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too clever, I only let him out at night sometimes when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there, so don’t be sad.
Then I put him back, but he’s singing a little in there, I haven’t quite let him die. And we sleep together like that with our secret pact.
And it’s nice enough to make a man weep, but I don’t weep, do you?
All the time
What do we have here?
It looks like a good old fashioned dance-off
Missy vs the Techno Viking
Wait for it missy
Time’s up Missy
I think you won that Techno Viking. You’re still the best
Thanks Missy. It’s all about the shorts you know
I know Viking. I gotta get me some of those. I used to have a little red dress
Welcome to my mind
There’s dance-offs going on all the time
I’ll never change. I’ll just learn
“When things go bad, don’t go with them.” – Elvis Presley
You are what you listen to.
From the age of 4 until he was 12 years old Charles Bukowski was severely beaten by his father three times a week. Although he despised his father, in later life he said ‘My father taught me the most important thing I learnt in life. He taught me about pain. It enabled me to be a writer.’
In his writing, he referred to the bathroom in his childhood as ‘The torture chamber’
His work addressed the ordinary lives of poor Americans, the act of writing, alcohol, relationships with women & the drudgery of work. He worked in a post office for 15 years.
Bukowski wrote thousands of poems, hundreds of short stories, and six novels, eventually publishing over sixty books.
In 1986 time called Bukowski the laureate of American lowlife.
Henry Charles Bukowski
Died in 1994 of leukaemia aged 73
Short story writer
Child abuse survivor
Charles Bukowski is one of my inspirations for this projekt
I stand on the shoulders of an alcoholic giant
You’re not ugly. Society is
Charles Bukowski’s gravestone reads “Don’t Try”. A phrase which Bukowski uses in one of his poems advising aspiring writers & poets about inspiration and creativity. Bukowski explained the phrase in a 1963 letter. “Somebody asked me ‘what do you do? How do you write, create?’ I told them, “You don’t. You don’t try. That’s very important. Not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug high on a wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap it and kill it if you like, you make a pet out of it.”
I see that bug and it’s coming toward me. I shall name him Charles.
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” – Yoda
If you find the truth, will you believe it?
A very good question
My life is not an action movie. I couldn’t afford Michael Bay. Happy Happy Joy Joy
Did you notice how many references to death there were in the music in this film? I didn’t until I finished it. I wonder what my sub-conscious is saying, because it wasn’t planned and for me, music is a tunnel into my inner consciousness. Is contemplating the concept of death the easy way out of dealing with fear for me? I have no idea, but it freaks me the fuck out. Sometimes I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts. Not to be a drama queen or anything.
This film is dedicated to Edward Snowden. A true American hero. Someone who said “fuck the fear, and the consequences be damned”. You sir are one kick arse individual to put your life on the line for freedom. Not the George Bush version of freedom. Real freedom. Freedom from tyranny.
Courage is mad sexy
Tyranny (noun): Oppressive government rule unrestrained by law or constitution.
Plato defended a tyranny as a government who looks to its own advantage rather than that of its subjects.
I have an order here for porn with geo-political overtones. Who ordered that? Hello? People? Anybody? Somebody? Nobody huh. Guess I’ll have to eat it – again
It’s erotica not porn. It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken
“I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with a slender grasp of grammar” – Russell Brand
Part Three: Tin Can Alley
What do I have to lose
In these tin cans are the uncollected remains of mental patients at the Oregon state mental hospital these people either had no family, outlived their family, or their family disowned them. This is the place for forgotten tormented souls. This photo makes me cry every time I look at it.
A different flavour of me in every can
A song for a little birdy
Missy & Mozart – requiem in D Minor. The story of unfinished symphony
The requiem mass in D Minor by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was composed in Vienna in 1791 and left unfinished at the composer’s death
Count Franz von Walsegg had anonymously commissioned the piece for a requiem mass to commemorate the anniversary of his wife’s death
Mozart spoke of ‘very strange thoughts’ regarding the unpredicted appearance & commission of this unknown man
Mozart fell ill while writing the work. He told his wife… my end will not be long in coming. I cannot rid my mind of this thought.
He said believed he was writing this piece for his own funeral
The only place where the word ‘amen’ occurs in anything that Mozart wrote in the last years of his live is in this piece of music.
I hope this projekt is not unfinished at the time of my death
That would kill me.
The end is just black. There is nothing. I’ve been there before
These are the thoughts in my head
They eat my brain like guinea worms
I need them out and I need to record them
To get over my past first I have to accept my past existed
No matter how many times I deny it, hide from it, recoil from it, or am embarrassed by it – it happened.
But I fear its retelling and that I may slip into denial as a defence
We’ll see. Won’t we just
Someday I will find what I am looking for
Or maybe I won’t
Maybe I’ll find something better
I’m not there yet
But I’m closer than I was yesterday
My brain has too many tabs open
“Better never to begin. Having begun, better to finish” — Zen saying
Wish I’d known that before I started
Missy, live your life and fear no hand other than your own, beat your own hand and you have it licked. Peace out – edge