Long Term Relationships and No Sex – Is this the norm?

 

 

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A recent CNN health report showed 40 million  Americans are stuck in a sex rut. Most therapists would agree the proportion of  population similarly affected in the UK is equally as high.

The reasons why we’re all so bored in bed are  many: everything from unrealistic expectations to stressed lifestyles. Ask the  average worn out parent what they’d most like to do in bed and most will answer  ‘sleep’.

There’s no denying it: great sex is an  achievement not a given.

Couples who are still enjoying a great sex  life after 10, 20 or even 50 years together, aren’t lucky – they’re committed to  making sure it’s great, says Relate.

I totally agree. Here’s what you can do to  turn your sex slump into the start of something rather wonderful:

1. Stop believing it’s ‘normal’ to not want  sex long-term. Yes, desire does fall the longer you’ve been together but it’s a  cop out to shrug your shoulders and say ‘Oh well, that’s just what happens’.  There’s plenty you can do to stop this happening or reverse the effect. All you  have to do is want to try.

2.Your relationship and sex life are  connected. Most couples underestimate the affect their sex life has on their  relationship and vice versa. Put some effort in the bedroom and your  relationship will improve; make an effort out of bed and you’ll have more and  better sex in it.

3. Act on impulses. At the start of the  relationship, the desire for sex is strong and the feeling hard to miss. Later  on, desire feels more like a flickering of flames than a raging fire. Be attuned  to it and act on the ‘flicker’ as soon as possible. The longer you wait between  first impulse and doing something, the less likely is it you’ll act on  it.

4. Visit your GP to check your general health  and review any medications which could be affecting your libido.

5. Keep a sex diary. Write down any erotic  thoughts and what triggers them. Think back to what you both did in the  beginning. Revisit the things you tried that you’ve forgotten you liked. Each  come up with five things you miss and used to do together, put the suggestions  in a jar and pull one out and action it every week.

6. Take a sex toy to bed together –  preferably a good vibrator. Men are more motivated to have sex because it’s  easier for them to orgasm. Most women find it easier to orgasm with a vibrator  so it increases incentive to have sex if it’s there as a ‘standby’ if all else  fails.

7. Up the amount of sex you’re having, even  if you don’t really fancy it to start with. When you’re all snuggled up watching  telly, who can be bothered making the effort? But if you do, lots find desire  kicks in once stimulation starts. Regular sex boosts the body’s production of  testosterone which, in turn, makes you feel like sex next time  around.

8. Talk about it. Make a pact to talk openly  and honestly about your needs and wants and agree never to judge anything your  partner suggests.

9. Use erotica: Watch sexy films, read sexy  books, look at sexy images. Focusing on sex keeps your libido high.

Reblogged with thanks from Christina Mandara

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Categories: Sex

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