Sexless Marriage: How To Deal With A Decrease In Sex



Sex is one of those topics we’re all constantly thinking about, reading about, and even acting out… but not necessarily talking about. Sure, you’ll dish to your friends about the steamy sex session you had with your new man last night, but you won’t necessarily be so eager to share when your sex life goes from consistent to non-existent. And yet, several studies have been revealing for the last decade that a dry spell in the bedroom is actually common among couples. Is a lack of sex the one thing our conversations are lacking?

“It is very common for couples to go through sexual dry spells,” says Rabbi Ed Weinsberg, EdD. “It’s estimated that this process begins for most couples anywhere from two to ten years after they get married.”

Defining a sexual dry spell, though, can be as difficult as dealing with the problem itself. One of my favorite scenes from the 1977 film “Annie Hall” features Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) and Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) talking to a therapist about their sex life. When the therapist asks how often they have sex, Alvy answers, “Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.” Annie, however, answers this way: “Constantly. I’d say three times a week.”

“The disparity is normal,” says Rabbi Weinsberg, author of two books on sexuality after illnesses, including “Conquer Prostate Cancer: How Medicine, Faith, Love and Sex Can Renew Your Life.” “Going through a sexual dry spell is fairly subjective.” Just as we all have different likes and dislikes when it comes to sex, we all have a different take on how often we should be having sex as well. “There is no one ‘right’ amount of sex that a couple should be having,” says Jodi Lipper, co-author of “How to Love Like a Hot Chick“. “For some married couples, normal is having sex every day. For others, it might be having sex once a month.”

Wondering if you and your partner are going through a sexual dry spell? Start by asking if both of your needs are being met. If your answer is no, then you may be facing a sexual drought. “It’s not enough when one or both partners is unsatisfied, or feels that his or her needs aren’t being met,” says Lipper. Her advice to couples in a sexless relationship? Talk it out with an open mind to determine the cause of the problem before you take drastic steps. In other words, share your sexual needs and wants before you demand that you and your partner either get it on, or get divorced!

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Categories: Sex

2 Comments on “Sexless Marriage: How To Deal With A Decrease In Sex”

  1. March 18, 2014 at 1:17 pm #

    Thanks for sharing my post. You have a good one going here!


  1. Bookforum: Let’’s Shut Up About Sex | pundit from another planet - October 14, 2013

    […] Sexless Marriage: How To Deal With A Decrease In Sex ( […]

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