Talking with a high-end sex worker

We talked to a high-end sex worker

Gloria Van Vaulkner spoke to The Feed, broadcast 7.30pm weeknights SBS 2 about her experiences, life and work in the sex-trade and how to keep a client from falling in love.

When I started working as a private escort I quickly established myself as a Girlfriend Experience (GFE) provider. It always suited my personality as I’m introverted and shy. I hate being the centre of attention; and I worry that I’d sound like an idiot if I engaged in over the top theatrics or dirty talk that wasn’t driven by genuine desire for another person.

A Girlfriend Experience means the escort is willing to do sexual acts your girlfriend would: kissing, allowing oral on her, and natural oral on him if legal. It’s difficult for me to have accurate perspective now, but I think there’s an element of appeal in choosing to be a GFE worker because it seems easier. Clients are less focussed on the sex itself and when they do: they are gentler with you, having a bigger focus on ensuring the experience is pleasurable for the escort and that she feels ‘respected’.

There are times when I think GFE escorts are incredibly lucky, too. If there was a perception of the type of sex worker with the most ‘privilege’, it would be the GFE provider. The work certainly isn’t always glamorous – but realistically so little of the time clients pay for is taken up by sex. The longer a GFE client books, the lower the percentage of sex there tends to be. It can be quite bewildering to eat, drink and stay at the best hotels, be doted on like a princess, pleasured sexually, given gifts and then paid a substantial amount of money at the end. Those bookings are wonderful and I am incredibly grateful for the experiences that I have had and warmth that people have shown toward me.

Unfortunately not all bookings are as great. Psychologically I think it’s far easier to be a porn star experience escort (PSE) as you are mostly concerned with setting physical boundaries. I think in some ways GFE providers are faced with more demanding and emotionally taxing clients. Clients that forget that you are offering a paid service and sometimes try to pursue a relationship with you.

Interacting with people in a very genuine and honest way can be quite beautiful; many clients see you as a trusted confidant, a stranger they feel safe confiding in. The privacy of the relationship is implicit.

I’ve experienced many wonderful moments. I’ve had clients in their 80s and witnessed the calm, clarity and reassessment of priorities that comes when people know their time is almost up. I’ve had to deal with emotionally tolling situations, too. Men have cried in my arms for hours on end, not being able to tell me why. They simply apologise. I’ve had confronting moments; having had a client blurt out that he was adopted and his mother kicked him out when she realised he had gonorrhoea at nine years of age, and that he’d been subsequently molested by his father.

I have down right concerning clients; one told me about his detailed suicide attempt and he could never say that he wouldn’t try again. My heart stops a little whenever I sense signs of sadness in his communication; I try not to worry myself with it but it’s hard. He trusted me so he told me, if anything ever happened I would find myself asking what I could have done to stop it.

Couples are the worst, though. Recently I was booked to be with the woman as a honeymoon present for her and then only give the guy a blow job afterwards. The second I started I knew she was hurt; luckily he wasn’t able to get hard. It’s my job to be sweet, caring and sensitive, but it’s hard for me to do that when I put myself in her shoes and imagine the jealously she must feel watching her husband enjoying being with another woman.

The reality is that that as a GFE escort you mean a lot to many different people. Clients can become incredibly attached; even those that aren’t are likely to spend a lot more time thinking about me than I would about them. I have a lot of people to spread my time, attention and affection over. To some people I am their only source of intimacy or sexual fulfilment. I have always tried to ensure that the line is very clear to them – I have my own romantic interests, and even if I didn’t, I do not believe that a transaction where I was a sex worker and they were a client is an appropriate starting point for an actual relationship.

And it’s for those reasons that I kind of hate that I’ve built a reputation as being a good GFE for long bookings. The truth is that I like waking up next to someone that I care about; I’m super affectionate and demand they cuddle me as I sleep. I don’t want strangers trying to hold my hand at dinner or stroking my face as they kiss me, I don’t want their arms around me as I try to sleep in a foreign place. I have genuine compassion and concern for others but at the end of the day, when work is over I want to switch off and spend time with people I care about – just like everyone else. I don’t want to have constant messages from people and be obligated to reply out of sensitivity and I don’t want to concern myself with the various emotional issues and dramas that a lot of clients reveal to me.

There is only so much of yourself that you can extend to people before it starts to wear very thin, and I have concerns that it is wearing a little too thin for me right now.

I think the GFE is past its use by date: escorts are increasingly using social media to pique the interest of first-time clients; they are also using it as a marketing tool to help keep their presence within sight of clients. Clients are becoming more interested in the woman behind the ‘persona’; more women are showing their faces, and slowly more women are allowing themselves to be seen as having more character flaws and interests that extend past the typical ‘study, travel and keeping fit’.

The market is always going to be skewed toward GFE type providers as the GFE has a level of acceptance, it’s less stigmatized. People are slightly more accepting of a romanticised encounter that resembles Pretty Woman. Guilt-ridden clients feel better about seeing GFE providers as they are anyone else.

My strengths as a GFE provider lie in my communication and interpersonal skills as well as my entertainment and charm factor for extended bookings.

I am currently in the process of trying to restructure my work a little, it’s going to read a little something like this: sexually adventurous escort that is engaging, funny and endearing; loves to exchange stories, guarantees you will have a fun time. I think it beats writing crap about your education and how much girls love to frolic in the water…

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Categories: Sex

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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