Why Do DJs Love Sex (Sounds) So Much?

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It happens out of nowhere. You could be standing next to a subwoofer or just on your morning commute. One minute you’re grooving to some phat bassline, starting to wiggle a little bit, when the boom-bap suddenly bursts into nasty, disgusting sex sounds. Not just clips of heavy breathing, but fully-fledged moaning, groaning, and grunting (maybe even a “fuck me, daddy!” if you’re extra unlucky). An orgy in the middle of your eardrums is funny the first time, and then it just sucks. It’s a shame that so many producers—even the respectable ones—try to pull this shit off, like they get trophies for making literal “bangers” or something.

I have two theories about this phenomenon. First: women are still over-sexualized in this male-dominated industry. Female vocals are almost always breathy and dripping with lust, and every other album cover is an anonymous babe wearing headphones and sticking her tits out. It sucks.

Second: DJs want to be the masters of everything—including pussy. They’re a bunch of control freaks and this includes but is not limited to regulating peoples’ moods with music. Inserting meat slap noises into a track is a DJ’s clumsy attempt at subliminal messaging: “You want to have sex to this. This is the sexy-time soundtrack you’re looking for.” It’s about as subtle as sticking a dildo in your ear.

THUMP

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Categories: Sex

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